Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
