That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize