but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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