Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
