Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
please come you make the beer taste better
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love having hate sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also, beer. Big fan.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
