Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
