he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
