Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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