Capitaan dildo arrescate!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
