the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
