Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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