the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
