There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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