so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i will never coherently bang her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
