Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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