I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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