Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
