I bet he comes in French.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
