If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
