guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
