dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
