Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
