Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
