i wish peter jackson would direct porn
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
