i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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