can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
