I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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