just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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