i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
