Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
