we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
