i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
