the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
