**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
