Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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