I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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We talked him into tasing himself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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