i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
