So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
