Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
