Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
