Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
