You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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