Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This toilet bowl is my home.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
