Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
