Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
