did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
