I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
