Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!