I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.