Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
do herpes really smell.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.