I got chris browned last night
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.