While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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