I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The power of my boobs compel you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
