I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
