I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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