He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
