I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
