you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
