At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
