I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
