I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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