It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
