Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
