I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
