why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
