How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The air taste purple.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
