The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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