Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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