its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
