it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I smell like Dick and happiness
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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