Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
did i just pee glitter
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
