I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
