guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
