I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
