Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
