i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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